3 Things Michelle Obama Taught Me
Or 3 Things From Michelle Obama's Jay Shetty Podcast Episode
Michelle Obama and I had a girls' night last Friday. It was full of these gluten-free chocolate fudge cookies and talk about relationships. She doesn't know it, but we're obviously BFFs now.
Sure, she was just on my TV, but the depth of her conversation with self-help guru Jay Shetty made it feel intimate and personal. The First Lady mostly talks about personal growth and relationship dynamics during the hour-long podcast interview (full interview on the On Purpose Podcast).
Here are some things that made it into a note on my phone.
On fighting styles
Shetty asked Obama which fight style she identified with most – the exploder, the hider, or the fixer. She explained that as she’s grown in her relationship over the last few decades, she’s gone from an exploder to a mix of exploder and hider. The line that really got me was when she said, “Exploding on a fixer does not feel good to the fixer.” The trial and error of constantly exploding helped her see that hiding (aka taking a breather before you talk through the feelings or problem) works best for her relationship.
On passion and strong feelings
In her book, she writes about the ebbs and flows of her relationship, which she doubled down on during the podcast. I almost screamed when she said, “My passion is meaningless if my husband can’t hear it, [or] if I hurt his feelings in the process.” I have a tendency (and an inclination for offense) to scream, “But I have feelings!!!!” This got me thinking about how delivery matters.
On effective communication
At minute 48, they build on the relationship conversation when Shetty adds that it feels like we’re constantly confusing being authentic and strategic. I see this a lot on TikTok when people (not experts) give advice on how you should talk about your feelings and boundaries. Often, it’s a perspective that, while usually well-intentioned, is really self-centered and ignores that we don’t live in a vacuum. On the pod, they both agree that to communicate your feelings effectively, you actually need to be strategic. It isn’t inauthentic to think about how to deliver your feelings or how your partner will receive your feelings; it’s actually thoughtful. The First Lady offers the formula — you need to be responsible, strategic, and thoughtful.
The other big quote that I took from the conversation was when she said, “You come home to be liked,” because it feels like so often we’re looking for that like and love in corners of the Internet/world that will never truly give it to us no matter how hard we try.
👇 A good time to share yesterday’s Substack 👇
Comparison Is The Thief Of Progress
Adam Grant's latest book, Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things, made me really think about how much our progress is often stunted by how (and to whom) we compare ourselves.